Sunday

HOW TO CURSE SOMEONE IN 4 STEPS

1. Rise from your bed at midnight. Sit cross-legged on the floor in a dark, empty room and whisper the words: “Evil, live, live, evil” over and over for one minute. In your mind’s eye, picture the person you want to curse.

 2. As the image of the person appears to you, visualize great harm coming to him or her. For example, you might watch with delight as a car runs over him or he falls down a flight of stairs.

 3. Savor the victim’s agony – but don’t forget: the misfortune you visualize is the misfortune your victim will suffer in real life. If you visualize the victim losing an eye, the victim should lose an eye. If you visualize death, the victim should die. Carefully consider the consequences of your actions before you proceed.

 4. As you continue to revel in the imaginary evil you have brought to your enemy, whisper: “Powers of darkness, make this so.” Contemplate your actions for a minute or so and then, says Mulkrin, “your work is done.”

"I bet we could go explore the galaxy if we could stop being dicks for like five minutes"

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